Global News Weekly Roundup – 14 Septiembre 2013


Well, the toast of the town and the post of the week awards appear to go to the man with the stone expression Vladimir Putin. With 24-hour news channels, 3G, 4G, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, et al, Vlad writes a post in a New York periodical due to “insufficient communication” between the societies. Could he have not just picked up the phone?

In perusing the piece, I agreed on some points, was perplexed by some, and amused by some. I agree that a US strike against Syria would result in more violence, not less. Putin’s announcement that Russia was not protecting the Syrian government, but rather the laws of the lands made me chuckle as we all know there exists a sort of brotherhood between he and Assad, and perhaps rightfully so as they are terribly close in proximity. What affects one will undoubtedly affect the other.

Can one argue the suggestion of exceptionalism in America, who has long suffered from egocentrism and at times arrogance serving as the world’s self-appointed police officer flitting about the world trying to colonise territories with histories, traditions, and religions that run counter to the American concept of democracy all in the name of oil freedom? Are Americans really satisfied with their involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq? But you can’t go by me; I’m only on my 2nd cup of Early Grey Goose tea.

Top of the evening to you, you precious bastards. It has been yet another rather eventful week around our lovely globe; wouldn’t you agree?



Jamaican Bad Apples Spoiling the Whole Bunch in Barbados, Drug Mules Creating Division Between Islands

If you are a Jamaican national attempting to gain entry into Barbados with a Jamaican passport and you get this look from customs officials,

Stink Eye

don’t take it personally. Blame it instead on your fellow Jamaican travelers.

Apparently Jamaicans smuggle so much weed onto the popular Caribbean island, they need their own resident lawyer. Jamaican native Jaydene Thomas, who currently practices law in Barbados, has grown weary with her post of pleading cases for Jamaican smugglers and mules on what she says has become a weekly basis.  Following her work with a young, pregnant mule who ingested drugs, Thomas says that fellow Jamaicans who utilize the court’s frequent flyer program add to the negative view about Jamaicans and result in non-smuggling Jamaicans being denied entry – over 1,400 were denied entry in the last 5 years – or gaining entry, but being subjected to less than sociable treatment by officials.

Seemingly Jamaicans are very persistent entrepreneurs who are simply trying to fill an obvious demand that originates within Barbados’ borders. Apparently there is no ganja growing in Barbados, and Jamaicans have merely stepped in to fill the void.



NSA Sends CSEC Floral Bouquet, Thankful for Decryption Capabilities

We all know by now that the NSA is spying on everyone in the universe and that blocking their attempts seems almost futile unless you have certain handy tips outlined in my July 13 post.  However, that has changed with the entrance of Canada’s Communications Security Establishment (CSEC) into the open cadre of super-spies alongside the likes of the International Man of Mystery, England’s finest.

International Man of Mystery

CSEC enabled NSA to decrypt data that you worked so hard to encrypt. All that porn, those photos you thought disappeared on Snapchat, the shipment of cocaine you’ve been plotting, all your money laundering, and all that international espionage you’ve been busying yourself with between naps is all laid bare before Big Brother – and all it took was a little ‘finessing.’ The reality of the situation is that CSEC released control of the standards process to NSA actually hoping the news would leak in an effort to distract Canadians from noticing they are actively being watched by CSEC sans warrants either directly or through its consortium of spies inclusive of the US, UK, Australia, and New Zealand better known by their mafia name – the Five Eyes. Yes, thank you CSEC, thank you.



Japan Pissed at Being France’s Newest Victim of Cartoon Cruelty

Japan’s Chief Cabinet Secretary Yoshihide Suga is crying foul over an unflattering animation in French publication Le Canard Enchaine that portrayed the ill-effects of the Fukushima nuclear meltdown – skinny, mutated sumo wrestlers – in honour of Japan’s win to host the 2020 Olympics.

French Fukushima Sumo Cartoon

After almost 3 years, tens of thousands of residents still have not been able to return to their homes due to the nuclear disaster that struck the Fukushima Daiichi plant. Radioactive waste is said to still be seeping into the nearby grounds. While Prime Minister Shinzo Abe assured the International Olympic Committee that he and his team had the situation “under control,” Suga reportedly told BBC, “This kind of journalism gives the wrong impression about the waste water problem.”

We agree.  Just ask the 3-eyed fish growing pubic hair in the waters nearby.



China Continues Spending Spree, Puts $16M Deposit Down on Barbados

Cheapside Market, Lloyd Erskine Sandiford Centre, and the Wildey Gymnasium have been held up as shining examples of the economic progress and improvements Barbados’ residents have enjoyed as a result of partnership between the island and the People’s Republic of China. Construction and infrastructure development throughout the island has been done through Chinese grants and interest-free loans. But we all know that while the loans are interest free, nothing is really free when money is attached.

china buys

China has been placing holding deposits all over the globe with down payments made in Nigeria, Barbados, parts of the US, and more recently, Jamaica’s Goat Island.  Forget learning Spanish in school, we recommend learning Mandarin.



Things White Nuts Say, Germany’s Petty Colour Problems

Its election time in Germany and almost all eyes are fixed on Merkel, who has suffered a recent dip in polls while challenger Steinbrück is quietly creeping upwards. An ad firm employed by the Italian company responsible for Ferrero Rochers, you know, those little hazelnut candies with the chocolate filling that come in gold wrapped balls, took ad-vantage of election season and used it as a theme in a commercial for Ferrero Kusschen.

Yes, a big-ass talking chocolate box at an election rally heralding, “We want white Ferrero Küsschen forever.”  Enthusiasts hold placards reading, “Yes Weiss Can”, meaning Yes White Can, “Weiss Nuss Bleiben” meaning White Nuts Stay, and “Germany Votes White.” Critics’ complaints that the advert is racist and xenophobic resulted in Ferrero preemptively removing the ad in lieu of waiting for consumers to weigh in.

Ferrero insists they were talking about chocolate, not people. Of course they were talking about chocolates; there aren’t any other voting options in Germany other than white as Karamba Diaby is still being primed.

I mean, adverts can’t be racist, can they? Take for instance this one,

Ferrero-Kusschen_2658569bor this one,


or this one,

Brazilian Chocolate Cigarettes

or this one,

Hip Hop Cupcakes

or this one,




No. Adverts can’t be racist, that’s pure rubbish.

Do you think the Ferrero Kusschen advert is subtly xenophobic as critics claim? Chat back in the comments, unless you’re a voyeur in which case, keep calm and carry on.



Burkini at Play








In other news, though summer season is winding down, the Burkini (and Veilkini) continues to make splashes in some German communities following a ruling by a German court requiring a young lass to take part in school swimming lessons. While some of her Muslim classmates are already wearing the modest swim attire, the stellar student’s Moroccan parents argued the lessons run counter to their faith practices and principles of modesty. The 13 year old wants to swim, but separate from boys as she says Islam prohibits her from wearing a swimsuit in the presence of males, and seeing males topless.

The burkini, seen below, has previously been modeled by our very own Nigella Lawson. I personally celebrate modest apparel, but I don’t think I could pull this off, do you?


Burkini - Muslim Swimwear



A. Full Coverage – Can’t Touch This

A. Full Coverage – Can’t Touch This














B. Peekaboo Tankini – You Can Look, But You Can’t Touch

B. Peekaboo Tankini – You Can Look, But You Can’t Touch












C.  ‘I had an unfortunate incident with a piranha’

C. ‘I had an unfortunate incident with a piranha’













D. Just Some String from the Craft Store

D. Just Some String from the Craft Store





















Elsewhere, German nightclubs have fallen under the watchful eye of the keepers of political correctness for what some are calling racist door policies after a local student of Kurdish descent filed a lawsuit because he was denied entry to top hotspot Agostea.

A judge awarded the student €1K as a result of Agostea’s infraction, violating the 2006 General Equal Treatment Law.

A bouncer on duty the night of the alleged incident reportedly told the well-coiffed plaintiff that, “The boss doesn’t want foreigners to come in.”

My outrage at this incident should be obvious.

Did your boss tell you to tell ‘foreigners’ he didn’t want them to come in, dumbass?

That’s akin to a kid answering a ringing home phone and the parent instructing them to tell the person on the other end that the parent is not at home. The kid answers and politely tells the caller, ‘Mi mum said to tell you she’s not here.’

Honestly, I’m not defending ‘racist’ door policies, but many of us know that nightclubs sell exclusivity when they are building their brand by setting atmosphere in their venues. Usually this is achieved by only letting ‘pretty people’ inside, you know, the skinny, shiny, happy, rich-looking people. Would the student in question have upset the atmosphere at Agostea? Dunno, perhaps; perhaps not, but the mere fact that one can sue an establishment and be awarded this amount of skrilla makes all nightclubs vulnerable and soon they could be closing their doors completely. A racist door policy is hard to prove under the current nightclub theme of exclusivity, except in cases of racist bouncers revealing their boss’ racist policies. Similar cases are pending in 5 other regions.

A lawyer for the club is said to be appealing the ruling as he has footage from inside the club that shows while it wasn’t a total blackout, it wasn’t just a white party either.

Perhaps we should all take a page out of Peer Steinbrück’s book and start our own clubs.

picture-alliance/dpa/Alfred Steffen/SZ-Magazin

Have you been to Agostea? What’s the real deal? Enquiring minds want to know.


Church of Scotland

Church of Scotland Considering Banning Heterosexual Weddings

Despite blessed assurances by the Scottish government regarding protections for religious bodies not amenable to conducting homosexual wedding ceremonies, the Church of Scotland has made alternate arrangements.

In a preemptive strike against potential litigation involving its ministers who would be refusing to officiate homosexual wedding ceremonies, the CoS is considering ceasing officiating all weddings, both hetero- and homosexual alike citing, ‘if we discriminate against everyone, then its fair.’


That’s a wrap on this week’s global news roundup – HIDEY HO! And remember darlings, when the question is ‘why?’ the answer is always ‘money.’

Enjoy the weekend, and this video from Slinger “Mighty Sparrow” Francisco who IS NOT DEAD, but remains in serious condition in a NY hospital.



Global News Weekly Roundup – July 20 2013

Top of the morning afternoon to you, you precious bastards. It has been yet another rather eventful week around our lovely globe; wouldn’t you agree? This week’s mid-week mashup was ENjoyable! I’ve been pairing my wines with everything from breakfast foods, to spliffs, to chocolates, and I’ve been doing fine, just fine! I think even Her Majesty may be lightening up about my little legal matter. I know dear Charles has. Charles with a spliff







But enough about me; where are my manners?



Not Guilty

George Zimmerman Petitions Russia for Asylum, Asks Edward Snowden “Can I stay with you?”

American neighbourhood watchman George Zimmerman has reportedly started the week off by petitioning Russian leader Vladimir Putin for asylum claiming that he lives in daily fear for his life following his ‘Not Guilty’ verdict in the shooting death of an American youth of African descent named Trayvon Martin.

It is reported that in his petition, Zimmerman stated he was in “no position to live out the remainder of his life under the watchful eye of passersby, misjudged by potential employers, and in fear of being shot/killed – you know, life as a black man.”

While reactions to the verdict were split with some in favour and some opposed, several observers claimed the verdict was nothing more than “payback for OJ.”

He is also said to have reached out to fellow ostracized American, Edward Snowden, as a potential flat-mate. No word on Snowden’s response.


Senior Drug Distribution Executive Arrested in Mexico

CEO of Fortune 500 drug distribution company, Merck Zetas, Miguel Angel “Z-40” Trevino, has been arrested along with 2 other executive staff members.

While many are hopeful of a decrease in the violence employed by the organization, some indicate that Trevino’s arrest will have no real impact on the US-Mexico drug trade.

A source close to the case, speaking on condition of anonymity, stated “Mr. Trevino is a businessman in a very lucrative business. Its all about supply and demand. Zetas works very hard at supplying the insatiable American pharmaceutical demand. Its unfair, but someone is already primed to take over.”

It is unclear whether Trevino’s brother, Omar “Z-42”, will take over the reins or if it will be split between the DEA and the Sinaloa cartel, as in times past.

And yes, Kate is still pregnant.



Pippa Please

Pippa Pissed at @Pippatips

Seeking to throw her sister’s weight around, Pippa Middleton has unleashed her attack-lawyers on Icon Books in an effort to get them to remove the loveable Twitter account ‘@Pippatips.’

The witty @Pippatips is a charming, advice-ridden Twitter account that highlights Ms. Middleton’s own style. Offering advice such as “Headache tablets can be a great in helping deal with a headache” and “Dressing up in nice clothes is a stylish way to look great at a party” is deemed a public service, not a nuisance as Pippa claims. Its pure parody Mat Morrisroe- and Suzanne Azzopardi-style, i.e. its not that serious and neither is a woman named “Pippa.”
By the way, her sister is STILLLLLLL pregnant.




Pakistani leader shocked by attack on Malala, tries to lure her with promise of education

Adnan Rasheed penned a letter expressing shock over the shooting of young Malala Yousafzai by members of his own extremist group. Sources close to the story say his shock over the shooting of the young activist was said to be because “the Taliban’s infamy is rooted in bombings, not shootings.”

Rasheed invited Malala back to Pakistan, calling for her to

Taliban to Malala

Malala, now living in central England, responded to the offer with a simple

Malala to Taliban

The Taliban leader indicated the supposed smear campaign is an act any reasonable human being can determine to be bad behavior, but the judgment of the shooting of a teenaged girl ‘must be left to God.’

No, Kate hasn’t had that bloody baby yet.



Rihanna Chip Shampoo

Fans Introduce Snack-sharing Program During Rihanna Concert

UK music lovers are serious, hardworking and generous people and demonstrated those attributes recently at pop star Rihanna’s Diamonds World Tour at Manchester Arena when the junior diva arrived late for her own performance.

While it was rumoured that some of the shows attendees began throwing their crisps at the singer in retribution for her tardiness, some at the show countered that by citing that fans had waited so long for the show to start, they began sharing their provisions among each other while they waited patiently for the proverbial ‘curtain to rise.’ #BeOnTimeForWork #ShineBrightLikeaPringle

In other news,

Evan Rachel Wood - Gimme the Weed

American Actress Develops Gestational Cannabis Withdrawal

Evan Rachel Wood has been mindful to keep her Twitter-family appraised of her pregnancy through frequent updates. Referring to her pregnancy as a “whirlwind roller-coaster”, the 25 year old has confessed she was craving pickled onions and peanut butter Pop Tarts, cravings  she suggests were undoubtedly brought on by her severely reduced marijuana intake.

It has been reported that the actress only smokes marijuana as prescribed by her doctor for treatment of mild to moderate glaucoma. #WinkWinkNudgeNudge


Guantanamo to Offer Free Prostate Exams and Colonoscopies

The US government is celebrating a recent court decision that allows it to perform prostate exams and colonoscopies on all detainees of Guantanamo Bay’s naval base located in Cuba.

The procedures, recommended by physicians to be done on an annual basis, are performed at Guantanamo several times a day – prior to leaving one’s cell, and upon return, at least several times a day.

The US extols the frequency of the intimate medical procedures and their two-fold benefit, citing: 1) early detection of cancers or abnormalities leads to early treatment and 2) it serves to decrease the rate of smuggling by inmates because everyone knows that terrorists smuggle secrets under their balls and in their anal cavities.

There simply is no other way to degrade an inmate.

Kate is holding that baby in her womb for ransom.




Accidental Actress Reminds People She is Alive, People Forget Again Shortly After Announcement

Recently, actress Rae Dawn Chong took to the airwaves for reasons unknown and quickly began efforts to become famous – by attacking a well-known and beloved celebrity, Oprah Winfrey. We are unsure of why she was on the radio programme and our sources were as well, as they thought Chong had died some time ago following her role with Winfrey. Chong appeared alongside Winfrey several hundred years ago in the film The Color Purple; at present, Chong is starring in solo work, Green with Envy.

While we take no issues with being an overachiever, it seems that Chong does as she proceeded to applaud Winfrey for being “a total biotch,” “a great brown-noser,” and the “fat chick in school that did everything and everyone loved her.”

Whoopi on RDC

While many may be unfamiliar with Chong, you should be familiar with this story line: person makes insanely inappropriate comments, person claims comments were taken out of context, person apologizes profusely citing previously unknown mental illness for ‘irrational behaviour’. We’ve all seen this one – if not this woman – before.

When asked for her response, Oprah’s camp declined to comment; however, our sources said the former talk show host could be overheard saying

Oprah on RDC

That’s a wrap on this week’s global news roundup – CHEERIO!  Be sure to check out events in your local area, and do tell everyone about it – that’s how we knit…our community together of course.

And remember darlings, a pessimist is just a well-informed optimist. Enjoy the weekend, and rest up for the week ahead. It should prove even more stimulating than this one.  #GodSaveTheQueen


Global News Weekly Round-up – July 6 2013

As I sit here pondering my breakfast and underwear choices, my barrister and my vicar are pondering my fate. It seems that Despicable Me 2 is not just a summer box office offering, but a mantra of sorts that I unwittingly assumed. My life is in flux and Her Majesty would have it no other way. I didn’t mean to break into that private Royal Court of Records; well, actually I did, I just never intended to get caught, I swear! I’m a reporter verdammt, not one of Borat-level notoriety, but a news reporter nonetheless and, under any circumstances, I must get my story. The story is what I was after. Now, they’re after me. Woe is me – woe, woe WOE is me. But enough about me; where are my manners?

Top of the morning to you, you precious bastards. It has been a rather eventful week around our lovely globe. Looking back, day-by-day, wouldn’t you agree?


F_JA Reggae Blip on American Music Award Show to Generate Uptick on American Music Scene

Reggae music, which many would say was popularized by Bob Marley, has had its fair amount of ebbs and flows within the international music scene. However, many proponents of the genre saw their hope renewed with the most recent segment of America’s popular BET Music Awards ceremony. The 5-minute break from the R&B and hip-hop heavy evening consisted of Dawn Penn, Chaka Demus and Pliers, Beenie Man and Elephant Man singing familiar, though well-aged, reggae and dancehall tunes including Penn’s and Demus & Pliers’ 1994 hits, “No, No, No” and “Murder She Wrote,” respectively.  VP Records’ VP, Aaron Talbert, applauded the performances of Beenie Man’s 13 year old hit “Girls Dem Suga” and Elephant Man’s decade-old hit “Pon Di River.”  Talbert told The Jamaica Observer, “Seeing artistes such as Gabrielle Union and Nikki Minaj sing and dance to these tracks should spark some interest which we at VP hope will result in a spike in digital sales.”  It is currently unknown how that is a reasonable expectation as the pair mentioned are not seen on any wide scale as musical taste-makers. If the intent of the ceremony was to see a spike in digital sales or even interest, which it clearly was not, the musical offering should have been something a bit more current by artists who have current music available. It is suspected, however, that BET’s reggae ‘blip’ did not do anything that would have increased attention in this particular genre of music. Talbert also “hopes the positive reception will result in BET making their playlist more diverse.”

Dear Aaron,

Jesse Jackson

F_PolandCoincidentally, Poland’s 12th Annual Ostrada Reggae Festival, featuring Jamaican acts such as U-Roy and Busy Signal, American act Groundation, Australian act Blue King Brown, and Canadian act Dubmatix –to name a few, will take place August 9-11. Perhaps they’ll feature more current musical offerings than the American BET Music Awards did. Dare to dream.

And Kate is still pregnant.


twitter3Twitter Faces Tough Times When Actor Bails

The world witnessed a terrible exhibition on Tuesday; it was horrific, devastating, calamitous, destructive, cataclysmic, appalling, grievous, heartbreaking, grim, pitiable, ruinous, unfortunate, woeful, and wretched, to say the least.  American actor Alec Baldwin has un-followed Twitter. It’s a tough blow to social media, but this is a time when we as a global community must come together and be strong for each other. Send us your tweets to show you care.


Yes, Kate is still pregnant.


F_Vatican City They Call Me SAINT Pope John Paul!

A Catholic Church committee in Vatican City approved making the late Pope John Paul II a saint.  Publicly, the bishops and cardinals who make up the committee attributed the grand decision to a healing miracle that occurred in 2011; privately, they attributed the decision, and actual miracle, to the fact that PJP had never molested altar boys prior to, or during his tenure. A miracle indeed.

F_FranceOccupy THIS!

French prosecutors who charged leader of the French National Front party Marine Le Pen have seemingly awakened a sexy, sleeping giant. The French leader, who has now lost her immunity status, has vowed to defend herself against charges of inciting racial hatred after referring to the increased Muslim presence in France as “an occupation.”  Specifically, during a 2010 speech she said routine, illegal blocking of public roadways for Muslim prayers is comparable with an occupation of parts of French territory.  You were thinking it, but she said it.

F_Egypt  Coup d’etat Magnifique!

Not referring to an official film selection at Cannes, but rather the current state of Egyptian politics. After defiantly telling his protestors to succinctly ‘bugger off’ as they called for him to step down from his presidential post, Mohamed Morsi was snatched up by the short and curlies by General Abdel Fattah al-Sisi and company resulting in the current suspension of the country’s constitution.  Adly Mansour has taken over as acting head of state.

Egypt’s first freely elected president is said to have started the drama by, what alJazeera calls, ‘failing the 2011 revolution by concentrating power in Islamist hands.’  So far, over a dozen people have died or become injured during the protests.

Morsi Ousted

By the way, Kate is still pregnant.

F_InternationalStop Snitching, Stop & Frisk, and Just Plain Stop! – An International Incident

En route to Bolivia from Moscow, Bolivian president Evo Morales’ plane was grounded and detained upon flying into French airspace.  What some have called an attempt to kidnap the Bolivian ruler, others have determined to be nothing more than a routine ‘stop & frisk’ in the search for drugs Edward Snowden.  Both Morales and Snowden have lashed out at the event, surmising that it was done at the behest of the Obama Administration, citing it as an act of aggression.

As you may recall, Snowden previously requested Russian asylum. Vladimir Putin extended the possibility of asylum to Snowden on one condition:

putin-stop-snitching to which Snowden replied, ImaSnitch.

During the week, culminating by Wednesday into the US’ Stop Snitching campaign, we saw the US “whistleblower” still  in a state of  limbo within Moscow’s Sheremetyevo airport’s transit area. Since turning on his former employer, the US federal government, by exposing PRISM, an e-surveillance program used by NSA to access your internet communiqués, they have in turn revoked his US passport. He’s reportedly withdrawn his request for Russian asylum.

The Ecuadorian government has determined to only consider a request for asylum once Snowden has entered Ecuador or one of its embassies knowing full well that Snowden has no legal travel documents.

StopSnitchin Meanwhile US President Barack Obama has reportedly been involved in “high level discussion with the Russians about trying to find a solution to the problem.” [Emphasis mine] Just a hint for dear Edward, just as in the mafia, when anyone in power refers to you as a problem, the only forward thinking conclusion is to exterminate you. Dear Edward, please watch your back.

Oh yeah, and Kate is still pregnant.


F_USIts Just Thursday ’round Here

This day marks a rather uneventful time in British history, but bears minute significance in United States history. Today, the Americans, nee ‘former Brits’ celebrate “Independence Day.” This is the day when that ungrateful little brat broke away from the mother country to form its own government by leaving us a note, the Declaration of Independence. Lets see how well they’ve been doing. The latest rows have been over yet-to-pass immigration reform, $600K USD spent on increasing the number of Facebook “likes” by the State Dept., Ed Snowden, and of course the delay in the new healthcare provision – all in the name of good old fashioned politricks. With all their shicky-micky doctors and their shicky-micky diagnostic procedures coupled with lack of vigilance against wasteful practices with care that ranks 37th in quality, its no wonder in America, illness = very high levels of expenditure = bankruptcy.

Well done America, well done!  Anytime you’re ready, I’m sure Her Majesty would welcome you back into the fold along with your tired, your poor, and your overfed-yet-undernourished masses.

F_T&TWhen Pigs Have Badges?

In other news, though this event did not occur on Thursday, it came across the Its Always Sunny in de Morning news desk (basically my lap when I’m in the loo) on Thursday. This news event marks a harrowing tale of a young woman on holiday with mum and sister to the island of Trinidad in the West Indies. Her blog entry, “When Pigs Have Badges” drew me in on title alone. I love a good animal story. But this did not tell of kindly farm animals and farm justice; this was a news event of how Tameka Vasquez and her travel companions are currently out on $65K (TT) bond facing 6 months in prison and $13K (TT) in fines. Either the story betrays an egregious level of human rights abuses or there is more in the mortar than the pestle. I can’t really tell as I am facing my own row against injustice now, but her tale is worth a read.

On its face, it would appear to be a misunderstanding exacerbated by impolite speech, but as is understood, 3 sides of a story always exist – yours/mine/the truth.


F_BoliviaUS Embassy on Achy Breaky Ground

President Evo Morales released a threat to shut down the US embassy in Bolivia in response to this week’s earlier stop and frisk. (See above) President Morales was quoted as saying, “My hand would not tremble to close the US embassy. We have dignity, sovereignty. Without America, we are better off politically and democratically.”

 Well, Obama, I guess he told you. Meanwhile, France has apologized for the incident, while Spain refuses, citing, “#FOH.”


Thou Shalt Employ 7-second Delays

In other news, Ofcom has fined an Asian television channel for airing a speech that it says would “likely encourage the commission of a crime.” The Islamist scholar, reportedly said, ‘Muslims had a duty to kill anyone who insulted the Prophet Muhammad.’

While DM Digital, available on Sky in the UK and satellite platforms throughout Europe, the Middle East, Africa and Asia, accepted responsibility for violating broadcasting codes, it insisted that it was an accident.  While being forced to tighten up its editorial guidelines and dismiss those responsible for the show’s content, the station admitted, “7-second delays are for punks.”

F_Nicaragua OR F_VenezuelaChoices, Choices – Decision 2013

BREAKING NEWS: Fugitive whistleblower Edward Snowden has been spotted packing several linen suits, board shorts, suntan lotion, and a Spanish-English dictionary. Boarding a plane in Moscow, Snowden could be heard singing R&B artist Chris Brown’s “Deuces.” Stay tuned.

I know you mad but so what?
I wish you best of luck
And now I’m bout to throw them deuces up

Annnddddd, yes, Kate is still pregnant.


That’s a wrap on this week’s global news roundup – CHEERIO!  Be sure to check out Amy Winehouse: A Family Portrait at the Jewish Museum now through September.

And remember darlings, the world is not going mad; its GONE mad. Enjoy the weekend, and rest up for the week ahead. It should prove even more stimulating than this one.  #GodSaveTheQueen