MID-WEEK MASHUP: WORLD’S BEST GETAWAY CARS

Mid-Week Mashup (noun): A brief distraction from a steady stream of global news and talking heads; may take on any variation of random forms.

Good morrow to you, precious bastards! This week’s Midweek Mashup comes to you in the form of:

The World’s Best Getaway Cars

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When choosing a getaway car, one has many considerations that facilitate making the best decision.

First, you must accept the reality that you will likely get stuck in traffic, so choosing a car that is petite is always a wise choice. A petite vehicle will allow you to weave effortlessly through congested areas.

Second, you must consider a vehicle with appropriate cargo space. If your intended spoils are greater in size than standard banknotes, a petite vehicle is not ideal.

Third, identification is inevitable. Sure, you can choose an average, neutral-coloured model, but those are usually made for moms and grads – not for those living on the edge, and let’s face it, getaway cars are exclusively for those who are teetering. Since you will most likely be spotted by some do-gooder seeking a reward, at least choose something stylish; this makes identification by helicopters above easier. Presentation is very important.

Escaping will no doubt involve a high speed chase, which means you will need a fast car, a very fast car.

Thanks Tracy, but no, I mean a really fast car.

If you are fortunate to get onto a main thoroughfare, like the Audubon, you will be able to evade capture, and possibly break the sound barrier. This is the most important factor when picking a getaway car – the need for speed.

Should the authorities apprehend you, your vehicle will likely be impounded and possibly sold to cover expenses related to chasing you; so why not have a car that can yield a high return? That’s just socially responsible. With those considerations laid bare, here are the best getaway cars, in no particular order, for your next heist.

ASCARI - ascari-a10-sports-car

Ascari A10 – While not the fastest, this can clock in at 220 mph, going from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds, with 625 horses and only $650,000.

ASTON MARTIN - Aston_Martin_ONE_77_by_jonsibal

Aston Martin One-77 can move as quickly as 220 mph, and is available at the non-recession price of almost 2M. Hmm, if I could afford this, I probably wouldn’t be pulling off a heist atall. Thank you Jonsibal.com for that lovely photo.

BUGATTI - Veyron-Super-Sport-Blue-Carbon-1

The Bugatti Veyron Super Sport – alas, a girls TRUE best friend (diamonds, my arse!) This is my personal favourite, and naturally the most expensive at the non-recession price in excess of 2.4M. It is THE FASTEST, clocking in at 267 mph, going from 0-60 in 2.4 seconds with 1,200 diligent horses. This one is sure to make any heist more enjoyable.

LAMBORGHINI - hd_lamborghini_aventador-wide

Lamborghini Aventador – named after a bull, yeah? Alright, well, its certainly a slower getaway vehicle, but definitely a quicker ride than that tricycle you’ve been considering. At 220 mph, you can still escape determined police authorities if needful, and in the recession price range of a little more than a quarter of a million, it’s the most practical choice for those on a budget.

PAGANI - pagani-huayra

Named after a fictional wind character, this Pagani Huayra comes with only 720 horses at a steep price in excess of 1M. Not the most economical, but still a contender for getting away in as little as 3 seconds.

GUMBERT APOLLO

The Gumpert Apollo is a curious selection for a getaway vehicle as it can – albeit allegedly – drive UPSIDE DOWN in a tunnel if driven over 190 mph. The top clock is 223 mph, so you’d have to be driving at maximum speed to float like a butterfly in this car. I’d like to see this demonstrated first before I put any scrilla down. Otherwise, I’d be back at the Bugatti counter.

What are you waiting for? Turn the key and take off! I’ll be round to tell you what you missed in news in a few days from now. Cheeri-bum! #GodSavetheQueen

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Mid-week Mashup: Just Make Me Laugh – Online Funnies

Mid-Week Mashup (noun): A brief distraction from a steady stream of global news and talking heads; may take on any variation of random forms.

Good morrow to you, precious bastards! This week’s Midweek Mashup comes to you in the form of:

Just Make Me Laugh

Since the advent of the internet a few years ago, our world has become smaller, and as such we have been able to share things with each other that we weren’t able to just a few years back.  Most of you who goof off at work all day know what I’m talking about. The internet has allowed us to see what goes on in other people’s backyards, taught us how to apply makeup, how to play guitar chords like the pros, and even how to twerk.

When I’m online, I mainly am looking for medicinal laughter, the kind of laughter that can lift you out of a momentary funk within minutes of visual application.

These are the top 6 things that have made me and my cronies laugh out loud while we surf the internet (in no particular order).

Tutorials

At times, I search out what products to use on my hair to achieve certain modern and stylish looks. Never did I think to look for products I should not use on my hair, but this tutorial sums up what not to do when trying to look like that lass on the magazine cover.

News Segments

As a news reporter, I appreciate a good segment that is professionally done, even if its simply about road conditions. This sky-report is one of them.

Classic Soap Operas

Sometimes I just want to space out while the telly is on and watch serials from days gone by like As the Stomach Turns.

Silent Films

There are moments when the chattering heads of journalists leaves me wanting silence, at the same time wanting a good film. So what’s a good alternative for a housebound gal? A good silent film.

Dating Tips

Being single in a coupled-up world can be daunting when you too are trying to locate your bloody lobster. I’m always wondering what my male counterparts do to attract that special someone.

Hmm, perhaps they should try one of those services?

Cultural Politics

This next video was informative in demonstrating how culture plays a role in political responses. What if “too cool for school” American President Barack Obama was a short-tempered Jamaican? Would the US have gone to war again? Perhaps George Bush has Jamaican roots – out of many, one people.

You see that button…in the upper right corner? The “x”, click it and go back to work. I’ll be round to tell you what you missed in news in a few days from now. Will the Scots leave the UK? Will Nicki Minaj accept DJ Khaled’s proposal? #YMCBWeddingWatch

Stay tuned – Cheeri-bum! #GodSavetheQueen

F_UK