MID-WEEK MASHUP: WORLD’S BEST GETAWAY CARS

Mid-Week Mashup (noun): A brief distraction from a steady stream of global news and talking heads; may take on any variation of random forms.

Good morrow to you, precious bastards! This week’s Midweek Mashup comes to you in the form of:

The World’s Best Getaway Cars

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When choosing a getaway car, one has many considerations that facilitate making the best decision.

First, you must accept the reality that you will likely get stuck in traffic, so choosing a car that is petite is always a wise choice. A petite vehicle will allow you to weave effortlessly through congested areas.

Second, you must consider a vehicle with appropriate cargo space. If your intended spoils are greater in size than standard banknotes, a petite vehicle is not ideal.

Third, identification is inevitable. Sure, you can choose an average, neutral-coloured model, but those are usually made for moms and grads – not for those living on the edge, and let’s face it, getaway cars are exclusively for those who are teetering. Since you will most likely be spotted by some do-gooder seeking a reward, at least choose something stylish; this makes identification by helicopters above easier. Presentation is very important.

Escaping will no doubt involve a high speed chase, which means you will need a fast car, a very fast car.

Thanks Tracy, but no, I mean a really fast car.

If you are fortunate to get onto a main thoroughfare, like the Audubon, you will be able to evade capture, and possibly break the sound barrier. This is the most important factor when picking a getaway car – the need for speed.

Should the authorities apprehend you, your vehicle will likely be impounded and possibly sold to cover expenses related to chasing you; so why not have a car that can yield a high return? That’s just socially responsible. With those considerations laid bare, here are the best getaway cars, in no particular order, for your next heist.

ASCARI - ascari-a10-sports-car

Ascari A10 – While not the fastest, this can clock in at 220 mph, going from 0-60 in 2.8 seconds, with 625 horses and only $650,000.

ASTON MARTIN - Aston_Martin_ONE_77_by_jonsibal

Aston Martin One-77 can move as quickly as 220 mph, and is available at the non-recession price of almost 2M. Hmm, if I could afford this, I probably wouldn’t be pulling off a heist atall. Thank you Jonsibal.com for that lovely photo.

BUGATTI - Veyron-Super-Sport-Blue-Carbon-1

The Bugatti Veyron Super Sport – alas, a girls TRUE best friend (diamonds, my arse!) This is my personal favourite, and naturally the most expensive at the non-recession price in excess of 2.4M. It is THE FASTEST, clocking in at 267 mph, going from 0-60 in 2.4 seconds with 1,200 diligent horses. This one is sure to make any heist more enjoyable.

LAMBORGHINI - hd_lamborghini_aventador-wide

Lamborghini Aventador – named after a bull, yeah? Alright, well, its certainly a slower getaway vehicle, but definitely a quicker ride than that tricycle you’ve been considering. At 220 mph, you can still escape determined police authorities if needful, and in the recession price range of a little more than a quarter of a million, it’s the most practical choice for those on a budget.

PAGANI - pagani-huayra

Named after a fictional wind character, this Pagani Huayra comes with only 720 horses at a steep price in excess of 1M. Not the most economical, but still a contender for getting away in as little as 3 seconds.

GUMBERT APOLLO

The Gumpert Apollo is a curious selection for a getaway vehicle as it can – albeit allegedly – drive UPSIDE DOWN in a tunnel if driven over 190 mph. The top clock is 223 mph, so you’d have to be driving at maximum speed to float like a butterfly in this car. I’d like to see this demonstrated first before I put any scrilla down. Otherwise, I’d be back at the Bugatti counter.

What are you waiting for? Turn the key and take off! I’ll be round to tell you what you missed in news in a few days from now. Cheeri-bum! #GodSavetheQueen

F_UK

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