Mid-Week Mashup (noun): A brief distraction from a steady stream of global news and talking heads; may take on any variation of random forms.
Good morrow to you, precious bastards! This week’s Mid-Week Mashup comes to you in the form of:
Winebibbing on a Budget
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
State Trooper: “Sir, have you been drinking?”
Priest: “Just water”
Trooper: “Then why do I smell wine?”
The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
Lighten up lushes – it was merely a joke!
And with all the daunting headlines in the news this week, I think we all could use a generous glass paired with fine sarcasm.
I want to share with you neighbours some of the best wines on a budget. Some of you may already be imbibing on these, but perhaps some of you want to progress in your “adult” behavior, and drinking is no better way to do that.
However, if you have an alcohol problem – though I can think of no better problem to have (other than that of having too much money) – you may want to heed the following alcohol warnings:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol:
1. May create the delusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking
2. May cause you to think you can sing
3. Is a major factor in dancing like a retard
4. May cause pregnancy
5. May leave you wondering what happened to your bra and panties
6. May make you think you are whispering when you are not
7. May cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them
8. May lead you to think people are laughing WITH you
With that said, on to the best wines for even the most meager of budgets (in no particular order):
Who knew smooth and supple only cost around 10.00?
Does hot weather precipitate Moscato season? Perhaps. This 11.00 fruity Cupcake offering is less than an evening at the cinema and much more enjoyable.
I do believe 1 glass of wine counts as a serving of fruit, no?
Portugal’s “celebrity” wine – everybody loves it! A 10.00 light, citrus companion partner for an equally handsome seafood fare.
Berries and spice at 10.00 is nice!
And who doesn’t love an arrogant wine?
Strawberries, cherries, vanilla, spice – it has a right to be a bit lofty, doesn’t it?
Imagine Hello Kitty with stilettos – pink, sparkly, raspberry gently dancing with strawberry and, at around 9.00, loved by many!
Instantly assailed by fruity fingertips tickling your nostrils, enticed by the robust blackberry and buxom blackcherry with the tastes of chocolate, vanilla and spice on her tongue, this smooth lady beckons you with her 20.00 smokey stare
A very masculine feel, strong and rich, with vanilla subtleties and cinnamon whiskers – this bloke’s a 10.00 smooth criminal.
Do you really need ten? These 8 should be enough to get you and me through August.
Not much else to do during a summer of Royal house arrest, that and some sprucing up about the place. And remember mates, whether wine is a nourishment, medicine or poison is a matter of dosage. I’ll let you know what you missed in the news in a few days. Cheerio! #GodSavetheQueen